Have you ever experienced attempting to communicate well, yet find that it all goes pear shaped very quickly?
Even with the best of intentions to apply communication skills such as listening and clarifying in our relationships we may find ourselves feeling challenged. We can suddenly become reactive and defensive, or shout or shut down. What we really want to say can come out all wrong or doesn’t come out at all.
There are two reasons this occurs.
1. Our fears are triggered. Fundamentally how we feel and behave comes from what we think and believe in our own minds. Many core beliefs are subconscious and founded in fear. We filter everything we see and hear through our beliefs, including fearful beliefs, these are our perceptions. Consequently our perceptions can be assumptive and not a reliable version of what is actually occurring fro ourselves and others. Healing and releasing fearful beliefs and their patterns and habits is essential for health and well being, and empowered and effective communication.
2. The nervous system is triggered. We all have a security system in our bodies wired to keep us safe from harm. If our nervous system senses a threat it will go into a response to either fight off the threat, flee from the threat and/or it can escalate into shutting down to avoid the threat. It is very important to understand how the nervous works because when we begin to e.g. fight with another, flee from an argument or shut down and say nothing it means the nervous system has been activated and any attempt at effective communicaiton will be extremely limited.
Relationships can provide powerful opportunities for personal growth.
The very first guideline of healthy and effective communication is to be calm. What if you are not?
- Ensure that you are safe
- Take responsibility for your own responses, reactions and fears
- Understand the role of your throughts and beliefs
- Process and heal your responses, reactions, fears and wounds. Seek support if needed.
- Seek support for deactivating the nervous system
- Apply the Empowerment Strategy
When you feel calm you will be more empowered in applying effective communication skills.
For more information or to make an appointment contact Kate at Jesmry Counselling Ph: 02 60431232 Mobile: 0410046148 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org